


How can I be in love with the heartbreak (when the one I love is you)?

by minewtion



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:34:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26872240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minewtion/pseuds/minewtion
Summary: Levi feels his heart breaking and he didn't know what to do.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	How can I be in love with the heartbreak (when the one I love is you)?

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiii! I haven't written anything in quite a while, and funny thing was; I was about to find inspo for my painting on pinterest (and my pinterest is kinda overloaded with eruri) so i got distracted and all of the fanarts are just making me SAD. and my playlist just think itsa good idea to give me this song so I ended up in tears while opening up a word document hhh. this story has no plot as i didn't even plan on writing anything but i ended up doing so bcause it was 1230 p.m. and i was ady crying my eyes out over Eruri. (I told my friend that erwin in my fics will nEvEr die and the first eruri fic i ever wrote is this... for a fact! i never wrote angst...) So here it is!!

_[How can I love the heartbreak, you're the one I love - AKMU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3DZsBw5bnE) _

_It was suffocating. Being in the place where Levi used to find solace. Within the walls that witness his most vulnerable moment, the passionate love making between them and proclamation of love before the silence of the night was the most apparent when two breaths interlace with each other in a peaceful slumber. Maybe it was a mistake when he agreed to act upon his feelings. But no matter how many times Levi cried his heart out in hopes to lessen even a bit of the pain he's feeling in his chest, he can’t seem to ever think that loving Erwin could be a mistake._

They were finally there. Infront of the vast sea of blue, reflecting the sun rays which created sparkle on the surface of the ocean. Levi could hear the gasps of awe from the others behind him. He let out a shaky breath, of relief perhaps, he wasn’t too sure himself. He heard the voices talking behind him but it sounded far away to him. _As if he was underwater._ He saw his squad cautiously approach the water body and when a smile spread on Mikasa’s face after testing the waters, the others joined in with a smile on their respective faces too.

Levi sat on the coarse sand; clothes be damned while staring off into the horizon. The blue of the sky and ocean mirroring each other reminds him of a certain blondie’s orbs which used to peer into his grey ones with so much adoration. The ones swirling in worry when Levi managed to get hurt even when others knew it doesn’t affect him much when you’re called the Humanity’s strongest. But Levi wonder how strong he is now that he lost his purpose? When he was the one who made the call and he was the reason he ended up in this situation.

His heart ached further and Levi felt as if his chest was going to physically caved in from how hollow his insides are. Levi’s breath picked up as he gulped down the lump that was forming in his throat. His hand unconsciously grasping on the fabric of his shirt near his heart. A lone tear fell without him noticing as he gasps for air with how suffocated he was feeling. Before he knew, a wretched sob escaped his lips while the waterworks continuously follow the track of the lone tear down his cheeks. Levi couldn’t stop the painful wailing that he let out while he helplessly tightens his grip on his shirt in hopes to make the pain leave.

“Fuck you, you one-armed fuck!” Levi screamed at the ocean. “I should have kept my promise and break your legs, you shithead. I shouldn’t have given in to your fucking pout and tie you to the bed if I must just to keep you within the walls. Why don’t you ever listen to me?! What the fuck am I supposed to do now…” Levi’s voice trailed off but his sobs seemed to fill the silence. His heart hurts and he physically feel as if his heart was torn in two, and Levi didn’t know what to do about it. All those nights Levi spent wetting their bed – _Erwin’s bed_ – with his tears didn’t seem to help with his heartache. No matter how much time Levi spent trying to distract himself, cleaning the same spot over and over again until his body ache and the smell of cleaning products overwhelmed the whole quarters, Levi still felt his heart breaking apart.

He felt a pair of arms pulling him into an embrace. Levi sobs again, distantly hearing Hange’s voice whispering words of comfort to him. “It’s okay, Levi. Let it out,” she said. At that, Levi’s tears renewed while clutching onto Hange like a lifeline. The others witnessed the scene quietly, not knowing how to act when someone so strong and emotionless breaks down in front of them. Hange looked up from whispering comfort to the squad and gave them a sad look. They were all supporting a worried look at the captain but were also unaware on how to help him. After some time, Levi’s tears was reduced to sniffles and occasional deep breaths to regulate his breathing. He remained limp against Hange’s embrace, still seeking the comfort to soothe his breaking heart.

“It hurts like hell, Hange. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I made the decision and how I kept on expecting to feel his arms around me when I woke up. How one of these days I will find him dozing off on his never-ending paper works and sometimes I feel like I could feel his lips on mine wishing me a good night. I love him so much and it hurts like hell and I don’t fucking know what to do about it… I don’t know what to do without him…” Hange didn’t reply to Levi’s words but she tightened her hold on him. Hange didn’t know if there’s any words would ease his pain. She understood and she wouldn’t act the wiser and offer any words as comfort because in the end they’re just words. They sat there in silence, basking in each other’s presence as a comfort instead, staring off into vast ocean with a less heavy heart. Levi might feel like his heart will never stop hurting, but he was thankful that he has the people around him to be there when he felt like he was falling apart.

_I’ll keep my promise to you. And then we can meet again. Until then, please wait for me._

_How can I even love the heartbreak?_

_When you’re the one I love_

_I can’t give up on us solely because of love_

_And experience heart wrenching pain_

_How could I, to you_

_Our love so deep as the ocean_

_Waiting till it runs dry will be our farewell_

**Author's Note:**

> since this fic was on a whim, i actually wrote it "from the heart" with my emotions all over the place and i didn't know how to end it hhhh. my friend suggested putting a note at the end saying *pls create ur own ending im tired and sad so deal with it. and tho i agree with him i think twas kinda ruDe hhhh to be left that way. (not that i think the ending i did helped or anything hhh). i miss erwin and i cried sm writing this and now my eyes burns so hope yalls enjoy it still tho :|


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